My Ap portfolio follows themes of rumination, dissociation, and mourning.
A large part of what defines this body of work was my habit to return to a piece, a place, a time, an emotion, and use any medium I needed to manifest the places I found myself stuck into image.
Most works listed are avalible for purchase, these ones in particular have heavy sentimental value to me and that will be reflected in any negotiated price.
I would consider this to be the centerpiece of my portfolio. Before I began work on this piece, I found myself in an altercation with my mother that resulted in me jumping out of her car and walking about an hour home.
After this short hike, along busy the roads and through my neighborhood, I crawled through my bedroom window and immediately started painting. I was so deeply overcome by my emotions that i worked until the sun rose. I found myself returning to this piece multiple times throughout the semester to continue to add more and more to the piece. A scene of an individual standing alone in the bathroom became a piece that describes the immense dissociation I fight through even to the present day.
I've always had a passion for teeth, but this piece was inspired by the time I was thinking about getting braces. When I went to the orthodontist they showed me the true extent of what I'd have to endure. Springs. Hardware. Screws. massive metal frames. All I wanted was for my teeth to be a little straighter, not a whole reset on my jaw!
But also, it focuses on insecurity. Painting out my yellowed, crooked teeth helped me to embrace myself. People in my family often commented rather severely on my form, my abilities, my passions and my interests. It's a defeating feeling that still lingers with me today, but I will never apologize for being myself again.
In the past I have struggled to speak for myself, feel seen, or be known. Decapitation is the best way I feel I could describe the sensation. Drifiting through this experience with my head cut off, unable to see the people around me, unable to speak to them, because of how overcome by fear I truly was.
This was my first collage piece!
This set centers my place in my home life and at school, which often left me feeling isolated and ostracized, even from my own family.
This set began with the jacket, A large, leather jacket from Levi's. I adored this jacket, and wore it nearly every day. I wore it to shield myself from the world that was highschool. A facade to make me look a bit larger, a bit tougher. something to mask the horror I tredged through in my head, and to help keep my thin frame a bit warmer. It would see additions such as the bands i loved painted upon the back, and buttons and patches affixed to the front which involced the media I consumed. Ultimately it was a little nerdy, but I felt a sense of security when I wore it.
The shirt had originally been painted once before, But it was carlessly washed without my knowledge, rinsing away the art it was previously adorned with. So I came back to it with acrlic paint, posca markers, and a final addition of fire. I burned away the lower part of the shirt to illustrate the feeling of falling apart.
And as for the mask, It describes the dichotomy of the desires of wanting to be seen, yet also wanting to hide away. I have always felt an urge to rise to the occasion and fight oppresive forces, but through my lived experience I was forced to fear those with power over me, to hide away and fall in line.
Relief is risky, but to my belief sometimes nessecary. I have faced struggles in my life, and looked to numb the intense buzzing that took place within the space behind my face. While it kept me alive, it slowly tore down myself and my abilities. Be careful. care for yourself, love yourself, know when it's time to quit.
Towards the end of the journey I was on with this portfolio, I really felt as if I was falling apart. I had let out every emotion, experimented with so many mediums, but It was still not complete. I took to this canvas with a plethora of half-baked concepts, and watched as they fought over eachother to create the final image presented before you.
Continuous line is a concept I find myself continuing to return to, as a sort of meditative practice and a way to feel out images, and lead myself to new ideas and concepts.